


Live More Fear Less

by Lady Divine (fhartz91)



Series: Outside Edge [13]
Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Light Angst, M/M, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2017-06-10
Packaged: 2018-11-12 12:37:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11161998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fhartz91/pseuds/Lady%20Divine
Summary: Moving on can be a bittersweet accomplishment - full of joy and excitement, but also sadness for the things left behind. A few days before leaving Westerville and moving on with their lives in Ithaca, both Kurt and Sebastian are saying goodbye to what they know ... and taking a step towards cementing their future together.





	Live More Fear Less

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I'm writing a few things out of order, and I apologize. I just want to put stuff up after I write them so they're not sitting around forever. This is actually the first of two one-shots that would end the one-shots before the sequel, if that makes sense. But where's the actual story!?!? I know, I'm awful. But I loved this so much, and I wanted to reassure everyone that Kurt's mother especially stays ok. Also, I will explain later why Kurt and Seb wait this long for ... well you'll read it in the story. Please let me know what you think <3

When Sebastian walks through the double doors of the Westerville Ice-plex, it’s going on seven-thirty. Behind him, the sun has begun to set. It’s been setting earlier and earlier these days. Being close to the end of summer, things are relatively quiet outside as families prepare for the inevitable start of school. This is the time of year that Sebastian loves the most, the air heavy with expectation, the world so full of possibility.

It’s a time that heralds the start of _something_ , and for him, it’s always been something good.

He hadn’t necessarily been looking for his boyfriend when he took a break from packing to go for a sunset drive. He knows Kurt is spending some extra time with his parents before he and Sebastian head off to Cornell. Cornell has been Sebastian’s dream school since forever. Going there will give him the opportunity to continue playing hockey and, along with coaching Kurt, major in journalism as his fallback career. That way, he can become a sports commentator when his days on the ice are over – whenever that may be. He could also start a blog or write a book. The possibilities are endless.

Kurt, on the other hand, doesn’t necessarily _want_ to attend college. He just wants to skate professionally and hang out with Sebastian. But between competing and training, he wants _something_ to do, and besides, it would be nice to attend a school where kids don’t shove him into lockers and throw him into dumpsters.

Not that they do anymore. They haven’t in a long time, thanks to Kurt’s big win.

Still, starting over with a clean slate appealed to him.

Kurt applied to Cornell on a whim because he wanted to attend the same university as Sebastian, but he would have been happy attending a college nearby if that didn’t work out. But Sebastian had no doubt Kurt would make it. Not only are his grades exceptional despite the angst he suffered in high school, he’s among the skating elite. A household name. They would be idiots not to accept him.

So basically Kurt is attending an Ivy League school _just because_ , and majoring in performing arts.

Kurt had imagined that, if he wasn’t a skater, he’d love to perform on the stage.

But when Sebastian drove by the rink, he saw Kurt’s SUV parked out front – only one of three cars in the parking lot. It’s after hours, so why Kurt would be there, Sebastian was all too curious. He parked beside Kurt’s Navigator, then he went inside.

He takes his time strolling through the lobby, perusing the things that have been such an important part of his life for over a decade. He looks at the trophy case packed full of awards and medals, and smiles, because a great deal of the accomplishments represented there have something to do with him and Kurt. It’s a symbol of their rivalry, their friendship, and their love. The story of their lives together sits in that trophy case, as well as the lives of everyone else they’ve touched – teams they’ve coached, students they’ve taught, the people who have taught and helped _them_. He looks at the plaques hanging in the back which list the team member rankings. He remembers when Hunter Clarington’s name was at the top of most of those, immovable and irremovable. But now, his name is nowhere to be seen.

Soon it will be the same way with Sebastian and Kurt, but not for the same reasons. For better ones. Hunter left Westerville Ice-plex on a downward spiral, but Kurt and Sebastian moved up and are finally moving out, leaving Westerville as winners, and making room for the winners to come.

Their photos, however, will hang in the lobby indefinitely – a benchmark to other figure skating and hockey hopefuls of what they can accomplish through hard work, dedication, and talent. Sebastian passes by them, hanging side by side. He blows Kurt’s picture a kiss before he heads to the South Rink, where Kurt will most likely be if he is here skating.

Sebastian does find him there, but he isn’t skating.

There’s one person on the ice, but it isn’t Kurt.

Kurt stands leaning against the open doorway to the rink, watching a single skater do laps around the ice.

“Hey, babe.” Sebastian slides up behind him and puts his arms around his waist. “You’re here late.”

“I rented out the rink for a few hours.” Kurt turns his head to kiss Sebastian’s cheek. “Well, actually, I tried to, but Mike said I could just have it till eight, seeing as it’s a Tuesday and nothing much is going on.”

“Whatcha doin’?” Sebastian nuzzles into Kurt’s neck. “Scopin’ out a hopeful?”

Kurt chuckles. “You might say that.”

They’d both been doing a lot of that lately, helping pick out the coaches and the teammates who would replace them. Kurt and Sebastian have dedicated a significant amount of their time to Westerville Ice-plex. Replacing them both meant finding new hockey coaches, new dance team coaches, new skating school teachers. It’s exciting to fill those spots and pass the baton, but it’s also bittersweet.

It’s a task they didn’t anticipate being this hard.

“So, who have we got, hmm?” Sebastian looks over Kurt’s shoulder at the person circling the rink. He squints past the black rollerblading helmet, the padded shorts, the bulky knee and elbow pads, the Cornell hoodie, and gasps. “Is that … your mom?”

“A-ha,” Kurt says with pride in his voice.

“But … she’s on hockey skates!”

“Yup.”

Sebastian watches in awe the woman who, less than a year ago, could barely stand, not to mention make her way around the rink without Kurt’s help, zip around the ice as if she had been born with blades on her feet.

“She’s incredible,” Sebastian says. “But why did she pick hockey skates? Wasn’t she a figure skater?”

“She was, but she says hockey skates help her feel the ice better.”

“Yeah, well, I’ll agree with that. Those look pretty pro,” Sebastian remarks when Elizabeth circles round again. “Did you sweet-talk someone at Bauer or something?”

Kurt shakes his head, snickering at his boyfriend’s teasing. “Carl in the pro shop was nice enough to give her those. He said that they’re display models and he can’t sell them, but …” Kurt lets the sentence dangle because they both know that’s not the case. With as popular as hockey is in their town, Carl could probably charge full price for them and get it. “He sharpened the blades, gave her a nice shallow hollow so they’d glide more like her figure skates. It took her a lap or two to get used to them, but after that …” Kurt doesn’t finish. He simply points to his mother leaning in to the next turn on the outside edge of her left blade and racing down the straightaway. “She told me that back in the day, her coach would put the figure skaters in hockey skates when they started relying too much on their toe picks.”

“Makes sense.” Sebastian smirks at the thought of half of their Synchro Skate team in hockey skates. They’d master them eventually, but that first hour or two of bitching and whining would be hilarious.

“But, also, when someone got seriously injured, like a broken leg, and they were too cautious on the ice, the coaches would put them in hockey skates to help them get over the fear.”

Sebastian’s brow pinches. “How would that help?”

“Well, being in hockey skates when you haven’t before is _terrifying_!” Kurt laughs, remembering his first time in hockey skates. But he was with Sebastian, in his boyfriend’s private rink. It was scary and exhilarating all at the same time. “But if you can skate your routine in them, you can do anything.” Kurt watches his mother take the next lap solely on her left foot and sighs. “I can’t believe how good she is, and that’s not all talent. You can have all of the talent in the world and never have the strength to let it show. But my mom … she’s the most fearless person I know.”

“And she raised a fearless son.”

“You can’t compare what I’ve been through to cancer.” Kurt slides his arms over Sebastian’s, running his palms over his boyfriend’s skin in search of comfort. “I mean, cancer trumps _everything_ , especially the type my mom has---d.” Kurt waffles between _has_ and _had_ when he talks about his mom being in remission. It’s difficult for him to act like it’s a part of the past when it keeps cropping up unexpectedly. Cancer is the dark shadow in their lives. It won’t ever completely go away, and he’ll never be able to relax knowing that the scars of it still exist in his mother’s body.

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you haven’t been through some shit. And you made it through smelling like roses, with everyone telling you you couldn’t.” Sebastian sighs. “E-even me.” Kurt leans back into Sebastian’s embrace. Apparently, Kurt’s not the only one in need of comfort. A lot of sins have been committed on this ice, many of them against Kurt. But a lot of atonement, too. It’s been a long time since Kurt’s forgiven Sebastian for the things his boyfriend did to him _before_ they became boyfriends. Sebastian needs to learn how to forgive himself. “Don’t count yourself out, Kurt. That’s a big accomplishment. I’d call you fearless.”

“I don’t know about that.”

“Why not?”

“Because I _am_ afraid.”

“Of what?”

“The future. Before I met you, before I went to that competition and won that gold medal, I had nothing to lose. When I looked into the future, all I saw was me working in my dad’s shop. No college, no career. That competition was literally my last shot, and I took it because I couldn’t get any lower. But now, I have everything – a college acceptance, an apartment of my own, a man that I love to share it with, a career in the sport of my dreams ...”

“And you deserve it. All of it.”

“But it’s too much to lose.”

“Don’t think of it like that,” Sebastian says.

“But it’s true. When you’re at the bottom, everyone says that there’s nowhere to go but up. But when you start getting the things you want, you have to keep climbing while you take those things with you. It just feels like the more you earn, the more you’re teetering on the edge of dropping everything and losing it all.”

“Well, then, instead of thinking of it as climbing a ladder, carrying all of the wonderful things in your life with you that you could drop at any second, think of it as foraging ahead, with everything in your life laid out before you. And if you misplace something or pass it by, there’s always a chance to turn around and get it back. Or find something different and better up ahead.”

Kurt gives Sebastian’s words a chance to sink in before he thinks of a way to react. He’d never thought of it that way before. He always pictured himself as being shoved down to the floor, the way he was so often in school when he was bullied. And when he was low, his plans were ways of going up, not forward. Walking straight ahead is much easier to do than climbing up. “Yeah. I think I like that better.”

“But no matter what, I’ll walk with you, as long as you want to, to see you through the rough spots,” Sebastian says, resting his chin on Kurt’s shoulder. “There’s a whole world of firsts waiting for you and me. Don’t be so afraid of losing something you have that you don’t take the time to enjoy it while you have it.”

Kurt watches his mother switch directions, taking the turn closest to them in reverse. He assumed she would wave at him, but she doesn’t – so focused on what she’s doing that it’s almost like he isn’t there. Her signature bright smile is absent from her face, but that doesn’t mean she’s not enjoying herself. It’s _because_ she’s enjoying herself that she looks the way she does, thoroughly absorbed by this thing that she’s worked so hard at with not a single thought that it’s going to be pulled out from under her.

She’s blissfully lost in the moment.

He wants to be the same.

“Sebastian? Do you want to be with me?”

“Only forever.”

Kurt smiles. He can’t argue with that. “I mean, do you want to be with me … tonight?”

Kurt feels Sebastian swallow. He winds his fingers with Kurt’s and squeezes. “A-are you sure you’re ready? I mean, we haven’t talked about it for a couple of months,” he says, laying a kiss on Kurt’s shoulder.

“I am. I have been, I just … I didn’t know how I wanted to tell you.”

“Then yes,” Sebastian says in a softer voice. He places a second kiss over the first and rests his temple against it. “I do.”

“Okay. After I take my mom home, we’ll meet up at your house, if that’s alright.”

“That’s … that’s perfect. I’ll go home and get things ready,” Sebastian says, remembering that a great deal of the things in his room have been packed, a lot of boxes standing in the way of the door and his bed. He straightens to leave, but Kurt pulls his hands back around his waist.

“Don’t go yet,” he whispers. “Just … stand here with me a little while longer? I feel like we’ve stood here in this same spot a hundred times, but the moment I walk out the door, it’ll just bleed away. I don’t want to forget what this feels like.”

Sebastian holds Kurt tight in his arms. “I won’t do anything until you’re ready,” he says. “I promise.”


End file.
